I've always had exceptionally dry skin, which is why I take such excellent care of it. In my world, that means I must exfoliate, I must soak, I must use all kinds of creams and emollients to make it as smooth as possible. If I don't, I will turn into a scaly fish-faced lizard girl. I am not lying. Consequently, I am always on the lookout for skin products. Whatever it takes. The result? No one has softer skin than I do, except babies-and of course, they don't count.

As the summer began to wane, I became itchier than usual and I didn't know why. I blamed the skin change in the shifting seasons. My solution was to upgrade my lotion and slather even more onto myself than usual. The itching got worse. One day, while standing in front of the medicine cabinet, I saw a round red patch about the size of a quarter that was inflamed and swollen around the edges. It was on my upper chest, near my left armpit, and it was on fire. I had never noticed it before. The sight of it freaked me out completely. It looked like ringworm. Where could I possibly have picked that up, I asked myself. As I scrambled for an answer, I lifted my arm and saw a trail of smaller dots that trickled down my side, barely grazing my hip. There were more on my backside and red marks that looked like mosquito bites were popping up on my breasts. This is what I'd been scratching absentmindedly for weeks. The more lotion I applied, the worse it got. I dipped a towel in ice cold water, placed it over my upper body, stretched out on my bed and tried not to scratch myself. As I lay there with my chest burning, all I could think was--

WHAT IN THE WIDE WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS IS WRONG WITH MY SKIN?

Thank God I have health coverage. I flipped through a list of providers, hell-bent on seeing someone immediately, if not sooner. The only one that wasn't booked weeks in advance was a dermatologist in Tarrytown. He would see me the very next day.

I knew what he'd ask me. Things like, what did you eat recently, what's been next to your skin, what lotions and soaps have you been using. This was a different problem. I'd ignored it for weeks because I didn't think it was that bad and I figured it would go away eventually-but it only got worse. Nothing is ever wrong with me, I thought as I dozed off. I'm as strong and as healthy as an ox. I pop vitamins. I work out every day. I eat tons of broccolis. Why me?

According to the dermatologist, it's because I'm special.

I have a rash called pityriasis rosea. It's rare and its random and its very very wierd. It's not caused by any allergy. It's not a sign of internal disease. As a matter of fact, they have lots of theories, but they don't know exactly what causes this thing. They don't know what cures it, either. It doesn't spread from person to person. It can happen to anyone but it usually happens to young people between the ages of 10 to 35. It's completely benign. All I can do is wait for this disease to go away. Medicine quells the itching. Then again, so does a lukewarm oatmeal bath. And the oatmeal is way cheaper.

This is my worst skin nightmare come true. I have turned into Lizard Girl, for real. The patches dry out and flake and turn scaly. I can't put lotion on them. I can't pick at them because I don't want to scar. Scrub cream is out of the question. Most of the time, I walk around scratching myself like a crackhead. Of course, every cloud has a silver lining. I went to see a doctor and got a medical diagnosis, instead of locking myself in my apartment and freaking out. The dermatologist says that, even though I think I look speckled, I have a very mild case. Apparently, it could have been worse. A lot worse. The reason why its not a lot worse is probably because it doesn't like sunlight or heat---and fortunately, I do. It's also nice to know that I'm not alone and scratching in the dark. And hey. At least it's not on my face.

With any luck, the itching will be over in another month. The real question is, when will the dark spots fade and my skin turn back to its smooth, even, "browner than thou" tone? I look like someone sprinkled chocolate chips on my torso…